Wednesday, October 25, 2006


It's the greatest of emotions. The most powerful of emotions.

A leading online dictionary defines shame as "the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another."

I would agree with this definition. No one knows shame better than I.

As you may know, some years ago I was a young star of theater hoping to make it big in Hollywood. I was handpicked by Emilio Estevez (the star of various films such as Young Guns, Young Guns 2, St. Elmo's Fire and other hits) for personal training in both method and character acting. However, I was duped. In my eagerness, I signed a contract and failed to read the fine print. The contract I had signed forced me into bondage serving the pleasures and desires of Emilio Estevez. If I failed him in any way possible, he had the legal ability to slowly torture and then kill me.

Sometimes, usually after he has snuffed paint with the pre-teen boys he has had imported from El Salvador, he lets me communicate with the outside world.

Let me run down what has happened to me since my last posts:

1) Emilio ripped off all of my fignernails because I forgot that he liked chunky peanut butter and not smooth peanut butter.
2) Emilio promised my freedom if I stood in front of the La Brea Tar Pits wearing nothing but a condom. I did this. Emilio drove by with a tour bus and examined my genitals while mocking me. He then told me I would never get freedom.
3) Emilio then ripped off all of my fingernails again because I thought I was going to have freedom.

They've finally grown back.

I learned a lesson, though. A lesson in humility. A lesson in shame.

It truly is the greatest, most powerful of emotions.

I deserve what I get from Emilio Estevez.

I just hope he doesn't get those fire ants to eat at my urethra again.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

You haven't lived until you've had a leather belt lashed against your face.

You haven't lived until you've cried and no one was there to hear it.

You haven't lived until you've microwaved too much butter on Emilio Estevez's mini-muffins.

You haven't lived until you've served Master Destiny.


Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Where have I been, you asked?

Chained by my leg to a bedpost in the life-sized dollhouse I call home.

Who is my keeper?

Master Destiny. The one, true, overlord. Emilio Estevez.

Emilio took away my Internet privlidges because I chipped a porcelain bowl that he won on an e-bay auction. I'm not so good at cleaning porcelain bowls. So he chained me by my leg to the corner bedpost in the life-sized dollhouse he built for me to live in. He likes to play with dolls. Especially man dolls.

Then he forgot about me. Emilio Estevez got a new toy.

Her name is Veronica. He initially won her over by singing Elvis Costello's "Veronica" to her at an American Idol karaoke night in Los Alamitos. He grew in a Hitler mustache so no one knew it was him. Then he shaved his mustache (and his pubes) and won her over with his powerful love making tactics.

Then he blinded, tortured, raped and eventually killed her. Her mutilated corpse has been at my feet, inside the foyer of my life-sized dollhouse, for a few weeks now.

Then Emilio remembered me, and had me get his dry cleaning for him. He might teach me some acting techniques again, or let me spar with him as he practices Brazillian jiu-jitsu.

But I have computer access again. Which is good, because I get to update you about the unique perspectives of a man who is Emilio Estevez's Manservant. But this is bad, because if I make a typo, Emilio makes me chew on his dried blood.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Please do not try and free me. Freedom is something which I am incapable of using. I am so much happier when teenage runaways stomp on my genitalia at the command of Master Destiny (EMILIO). He is my master, I am his slave. There is nothing else which can be done about this.

I don't deserve freedom, nor do I deserve a bed or more than one cup of yogurt a week. So says Master Destiny (EMILIO).

He is the true MAN IN MOTION~!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Sorry for the lack of an update. A few months ago, Master Destiny (EMILIO ESTEVEZ) was having a cat tranquilizer-induced flashback to his days on the set of Young Guns and Young Guns 2. He decided he was a cowboy and wore these big boots and decided it would be funny if while high on animal tranquilizers if he crushed my fingers with the heel of his boots and then he also thought it would be funny if he broke my wrists with a wrench.

It was pretty funny.

But my wounds are healed up and now Master Destiny (EMILIO ESTEVEZ) said I could use the computer again as long as I don't fuck up his fantasy football draft. He's in a league with people he co-starred with in Young Guns and Young Guns 2. His team name is "Cowboys on Cat Tranquilizers who beat the shit out of their manservants."


Thursday, June 30, 2005

Emilio wants to lower Third World Debt. But his fundraiser idea isn't Live 8 because he thinks "I Don't Like Mondays" is a really crappy song.

Instead, Emilio's fundraiser is to sell my blood. I have a really big headache. I'm dizzy and I've thrown up a lot.

But anything to help Togo.


Thursday, June 16, 2005

Emilio Estevez (MASTER DESTINY) ripped off all of my fingernails because I didn't Tivo the episode of The Wonder Years where Fred Savage and Winnie Cooper do it anal for the first time. He loves that show and frequently gets ice sculptures of Fred Savage to adorn his front lawn. He likes to see Fred Savage's face melt. Emilio also likes to make me rub my face against an ice sculpture of a giant penis outside of Dodger Stadium.

That's why I couldn't update for a while.